My thigh was pressed up against his on the couch, and that little bit of contact sparked a rush of feelings to go shooting up through the rest of my body starting between my legs. Just like Pandoras box – those feelings all escaped out of there and were let loose upon my body. His breathing got heavier. i tore my face away from the tv and felt my neck move, and with it my head, all i could see was his face. Every little last hair on his cheek was there, and then i saw his eyes. I straddled him, and bent my neck down low, and held his waist, and nudged my nose against his. He sat still. Just staring.

“Why wont you kiss me? Am i frightening you?”

“No. Your beautiful. I dont know what to do with someone as beautiful as you.” I grabbed a tuft of his long dark locks and kissed his cheek, then his ear and nudged my face into his neck. He caressed my hips and the caress eventually turned to hard rubbing down my sides.

His eyes were hooked on mine. They swirled with longing and and some kind of frustration, or even aggression. Thats when he kissed me. it wasnt a kiss though. It was almost a hit to my lips. I had to gasp my next breath.

We had sex on that couch before his roomey came back from drinking. And then partly on impulse and partly because i didnt want to hear K singing anymore drunken songs before he finally konked out for the night, i decided we had to go out to have pizza at The Moon on the corner. Once we got there we decided to have bruschetta’s instead. We weren’t that hungry after all. The tomatoes were topped that high, i couldnt put my whole mouth over that mountain, they kept falling onto our plates. I think half the bruschetta ended up being there. He kept rubbing my leg from across the table. It was funny, because the waiter guy , or owner or whoever he was kept looking over to us. I told R that, so he started to rub his hand higher and higher and more on my inner leg just to see what the guy’s reactions would be. The guy ended up leaving the courtyard where we were sitting and stayed inside. After that we went home and we talked for ages. K kept snoring in the other room so we couldnt really get to sleep anyway. R was telling me how much he wants to start his own business eventually. an advertising agency. He knows exactly how its going to be right down to the green plush sofas, and groovy waterfalls in the foyer. and how he said he’d defintely only work with high class sporting brands eventually. Thats his dream.

Last night I had a dream that i was standing on a sheltered wooden dock overlooking a grand serene lake. The dock was surrounded by roots shooting out from beneath the lake, they looked like the remains of a giant tree, first gone wild and then died in the waters. Far off in the distance i saw the greyish shapes of land, other islands. The sky was a greyish blue, it was dusk and everything was very still. The water was completely flat, not a ripple. Then i saw a beautiful elegant elephant-like creature approaching from the east where it was darker. It walked on the water, hardly creating a ripple. It had beautiful supple leathery skin, falling gently all over its frame making folds of soft skin, glimmering black and blue in the half light. It wasnt like a regular elephant. Its legs were alot longer and its trunk wasnt as long, its ears werent as big as an african or even an indian elephant, but it was the body that made it look most unlike an elephant. The body was shaped more like that of a hyena, its back sloped back and its rear legs looking rather unsturdy despite being big-boned. I thought it was making its way over to the islands in the distance, but then i realised it was being chased by another elephant almost identical except this one seemed more aggressive just in the way it moved more swiftly, swaggering, and slapping its trunk this way and that. The other elephant wanted to mate with the first, the second being the male, but as it caught up with the female it started to shrink and its form changed shape into a large bird with a wing span of at least 10 metres, and a neck and beak like that of a heron, only its body was quite fat. It plunged itself into the female and mated with her. The bird was obviously in pain, the elephant was much stronger than the bird and it just wanted to get away. After the bird mated with her, it let the wind carry it one last time high into the air and then plummeted down dead into the water. The elephant was confused and panicked. From the dock I coaxed the elephant near me and led it back to its home to the isles in the east.

All day i felt a little bit fatigued as if id gone through some kind of trauma and i dont understand why but i ended up crying in my pillow tonight. It wasnt due to the dream, but usually dreams signal your state of being. Its funny but i feel alot better after that cry and more determined to do my work with energy and focus.

I want to make love with his eyes when i see him next. i want to feel him when he walks in the room, his awesome presence, make love with the silhouette of him in my eye. and slide his sweet black locks through my fingers when i make my way over to his chair. im going to make love to his skin with my fingers when i feel it, down the length of his arm, his face and around his ears. my skin, feels his breath. it breathes hot like a fire from a mage’s furnace. it shapes my face like im the clay on its potter’s wheel and then rides wind’s wave down to my breast. there, my heart almost stops. and i think it does because a sound comes from my mouth that i dont recognise. just then our eyes meet like theyve never met before, and i dont think ive ever felt anything so wonderful in my entire life. his eyes glow a brilliant amber. like the eyes of a lion in heat. they’re dancing for me – those eyes.

fuck i want him so bad it hurts .. almost… nearly .. but quite close enough…

i know he wants me just as much as i want him so theres really nothing for me to lose by thinking this way. i dont feel guilty – as if i dont deserve him – or like im in the throes of one of those sick pathetic highschool crushes i used to have.. i know it may sound grossly puke-worthy to some, but i definitely think i will love this man – with his raven locks and smooth skin. We’ll have to see what happens next.. until tomorrow